- Lessons Learned is a new series of chatty blog posts where I talk about all the lessons I have learned in adulthood so far which I wish I had learned earlier -

A mindset I have fallen into as of late is the idea of the 'hustle'. This is the idea that you have to not only work hard to achieve your goals, but to work constantly on 15,000 projects and side projects in order to be successful and that the quantity of what you can accomplish will show everyone how on top of things you are (or how employable you are in my pre-graduation case). Hustle culture prioritises long hours of work instead of shorter, more focussed hours. According to an article on the Forbes website, 12 to 15 hour work days are being seen as a badge of honour and lots of companies are perpetuating the ideals of this mentality. I've even seen it in job descriptions on my job hunt, especially in companies in which you can earn commission on top of your salary. "Be prepared to not leave the office until you've completed every single one of your goals, even if that means staying for several hours after the working day is done".

I thought I would chat for a while on here about polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) and the process I had to go through to get diagnosed. It is still something that irritates me and something I felt that needed to be shared. You should always have your concerns taken seriously since you are the best person to spot differences or irregularities in your body!

Symptoms I have experienced

Ever since I had my first period, I have had symptoms of PCOS which I either overlooked or believed were completely normal. Most of them can be completely normal, but the extent of them and the amount of them were an indication of PCOS and my hormone imbalances.

Heavy and irregular periods
Am I comfortable talking about this on here? Totally. I used to be so ashamed of my periods and experienced a lot of anxiety surrounding them. Even when they have been regular, my periods have always been pretty intense. The amount of blood leaving my body every month was alarming and I was having to literally go to the bathroom hourly to change my super tampon (something I wasn't yet comfortable with having to do in the school/college bathrooms). The cramps were also a force to be reckoned with. I would double over, clutch my abdomen, squirm around in my seat and pop painkillers like they were sweets. I figured they were normal since we were warned that everyone has cramps in sex ed, but what I didn't know was that everyone experiences these things very differently. My period irregularities come and go, which is irregular in itself, but there have been many times where I have been getting my periods every other week which I hope never happens again but know it probably will.

Hair, hair and more hair
Oh dear, this has also been a big thing that I've had to work on in terms of confidence and anxiety. I remember a time in primary school where I was told that my super hairy legs were gross and that I had a moustache growing on my face. I was horrified and immediately went to the bathroom to cry. A moustache? No way! My peach fuzz is pretty thick. My upper lip can get pretty hairy. I get thick hairs on my chin. My body hair can grow very thick. It took me a long while to dispel the myths about women shaving their face, but I do in fact shave my face now. It's not completely necessary and I don't feel like I need to shave it all the time, but it does boost my confidence and it makes my skin feel super soft which is a massive bonus. However, the hair on my head tends to act the opposite. It's constantly shedding and I definitely feel that it's so much thinner than it used to be. When I vacuum my carpet I'm shook by the amount of hair that's fallen out of my head and my hairbrush gets full of hair so quickly. It's a bit grim but not the end of the world.

Skin probs
Most people get oily skin and spots. My skin is very very oily and although I have become good at taking care of my skin and managing breakouts, it used to get me down a lot! I also used to get a lot of spots on my back and that meant that I felt very uncomfortable in any shirt that didn't cover my whole back and shoulders. The main thing that still bugs me is how oily my skin is but it's manageable now!

My mind
Depression, anxiety and mood swings have been something which I have been dealing with for years and years and years, and it wasn't until I started talking to my current GP that I realised that these are also associated with PCOS. I bounce from extremely down and depressed to incredibly energetic and upbeat without a moment's notice. Often the depressive episodes can stick and I'll be incredibly down for weeks. I'm working on it!

My weight
My baseline weight has always been pretty heavy. When I'm on the healthiest of kicks I will not lose weight at all and it can get frustrating and upsetting. It's taken me a while but I'm good with my body shape now, but it does still bum me out sometimes. So much of my body fat is on my lower belly and I call it my PCOS pouch, I'm beginning to think it's kinda cute.

Diagnosis attempt #1

When I was in high school, I went to my GP about my period problems. They were so painful that I was finding it hard to attend school and the amount of blood made me incredibly anxious. I was prescribed tranexamic acid and mefenamic acid for my periods and these did help massively, but I wanted to know why my periods were this grim. I did some research and asked my GP about PCOS. He got me to lay on the bench-y thing (you know, the bed thing in a GP office) and pressed around on my tummy before telling me he didn't feel any cysts so I didn't have PCOS. I kind of accepted this at the time but that was actually bullshit and you cannot feel anything to do with PCOS just from pressing on your tummy.

Diagnosis attempt #2

I was already regularly seeing my current GP due to my mental health when my periods started to come every other week. It was grim and I felt like they were getting worse and worse. I brought it up to my GP and I also mentioned the thoughts I had about PCOS in the past. He told me that my past GP was wrong about claiming how to diagnose PCOS and he got me booked in for an ultrasound and a blood test. I didn't know what to expect when going in for the ultrasound but it was pretty uncomfortable. I was told to go with a full bladder so I was bursting for the loo while the ultrasound thingy was being prodded onto my abdomen. My tummy also made some funky noises in the silent room and I wanted to get out asap. According to the blood test, my hormones are a bit muddled (including high testosterone) and the ultrasound confirmed that I have PCOS.

Well, the more you know...

I wasn't surprised to be told I have PCOS so it didn't affect me as much as it maybe could have. It made a lot of sense to me and it was quite comforting to know that my suspicions over the years were right and I wasn't just overthinking my symptoms. It's good to know that when a symptom is acting up I can say why it's happening and what's causing the trouble. I switched my birth control to a combined pill which help to regulate my periods and some of the hormonal stuff and I began to treat myself less harshly about my weight and mood swings. It's led to a lot of acceptance for me. A year on and I feel better and more accepting in myself than ever.

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome is a common condition which affects ovarian functioning. The main features are irregular periods, excess androgen and polycystic ovaries. Symptoms include irregular periods, lack of periods, fertility issues, excessive hair growth, thinning hair of the head, weight gain and oily skin/acne. If you feel that you are experiencing these symptoms, you can read more about them HERE. I have asked two different doctors about my symptoms and only one of them actually moved along to the process of diagnosis, so ask questions and make sure your symptoms are taken seriously. Diagnosis of PCOS is often quick and simple and involves an ultrasound in order to take a look at your ovaries. If you have any questions about PCOS at all, feel free to get in contact! 

Going to the GP

Why did I go on sertraline in the first place? To put it bluntly, I had a breakdown which had been a long time coming and at the lowest point, I really scared myself. I was at the worst point I had been at in as long as I can remember and I was scared that if I didn't talk to a GP then I would end up in an even worse state. My mood was incredibly low, I was anxious all the time and I was overthinking and second guessing everything. I experienced a lot of intrusive thoughts about the people around me and how they felt about me, which led me to push almost everyone away. My self esteem was in the garbage and I felt scared that things would never improve. I had a very teary phone conversation with my GP first thing next morning and he managed to have an appointment for me by the next hour, so I was able to go in on the same day and didn't have to wait. We talked through everything that I was feeling and how hopeless I felt, since I had tried different routes of counselling and was scared to take medication. However, I agreed that meds were at least worth a shot so I was prescribed 50mg of sertraline and told to get back in contact with my counsellor.

Starting sertraline

When the GP tells you that the first few weeks are the worst, they are totally right. I was no more depressed than before, but I was struggling a lot with anxiety. I would have random anxiety attacks in work and have to sit in the back room to recover for a while. I was also incredibly drowsy which led me into trouble when trying to concentrate on my work. The strangest side effect that I experienced, however, was a total lack of appetite for the first couple of weeks. I eat all day every day and for me to not be hungry is absolutely unheard of. However, when I started sertraline I would forget to eat a lot because I just didn't feel hungry! Acid reflux due to the combination of sertraline and my excessive coffee habits was also annoying but I discovered the beautiful curative powers of Gaviscon and it helped a lot!

It wasn't all bad though! My sleep improved dramatically! Because I was drowsy, I would sleep earlier and wake up earlier. I missed fewer classes because I wasn't sleeping through them, and I wouldn't be up all through the early hours like I used to be. Plus, this first couple of weeks allowed me to focus more on my body, how it was reacting to the medication, and what still needed work.

Settling in

After the initial side effects began to subside, I began to realise that my mood was much more regulated and I felt a lot calmer. I spiralled into overthinking and depression a lot less, and when I did spiral it was a lot less severe. Once this change occurred, I started working more on my personal development and I have been able to balance so many more extra-curricular activities, I started this blog, I did more peer support volunteering, and I even completed an amazing summer internship.

Now

There have been ups and downs. I have gone from 50mg to 100mg and finally to my current dose of 150mg. I have been on 150mg for a long while now and it seems to work best for me. I feel calmer, more confident and a lot happier than I was. There are definitely still hiccups (like right now) and I have had to work hard mentally for where i'm at right now, but the sertraline has helped me to facilitate that work. I wouldn't be where I am if I was just taking the sertraline without working hard on my mental health, it's better to use alongside counselling/therapy. Still not 100% okay, but I've made progress and that's great! Yes, I still miss some lectures because I can't get up in the morning on a bad day, but I have the motivation to catch up on what i've missed rather than just panicking and not doing anything! I also feel a lot more resilient when things go wrong in my social life, whereas I used to immediately shut down at any sign of social problems.

Disclaimer: this is just my experience, people react to sertraline differently and what works for me may work differently for you, I just know that some people wanted to hear my experience and I know that posts like these would have helped me when I started sertraline!

Photo by Danielle Cerullo on Unsplash

I never thought I would love fitness this much, but here we are! I joined the gym a month ago and I am honestly so proud of myself for pushing myself to go. I have been wanting to join a gym for a couple years now but the idea of working out in front of other people terrified me. I have experienced a lot of anxiety surrounding the way I view my body and my fitness, and I have felt a lot of shame. However, I knew that could only be beaten if I just joined and started working out and working though the fears!

Pushing myself to join

It's kind of like the 'fuck it' philosophy. I had been thinking about joining the gym for forever, but it took one 'fuck it' moment for me to ask a friend where they go and then sign up for my induction. I think that's the best way to do things. There wasn't a massive lead up on the day of me waking up and saying "I'm going to join the gym today", I just did it without thinking too much about it. It worked, I booked my induction for the next morning and told myself that I had to get up and do it.

I was super nervous going into my induction. I had spent too long thinking about going to the gym and then overthinking about all the things that could go wrong. What if people see how unfit I am? What if I fall on the treadmill? What if I break a machine? What if someone finds it funny how little I can lift? But I went to my induction, at 8:30 on a Saturday morning, because I had it booked in so I had to go! The trainer was lovely and informative and I was actually the only one who had turned up to the induction so I got to have a go on almost everything with the guidance of the trainer. By the end of the induction, I felt so much more confident about my choice to join the gym! I felt like I knew the basics and I knew how to use most of the machines with proper form. That was all it took for me to feel fine about going to the gym and working out around others.

Why am I going to the gym?

I've been fine with my appearance lately, and I have worked on my confidence a great deal, so why have I finally decided to join the gym? Surprisingly, it isn't because I want to lose weight and slim down. I just want to feel healthier and stronger! I start every workout with a session of cardio because I have been so sluggish and I have felt so fed up about feeling tired and out of energy all the time. It feels good to get the blood pumping and work up a bit of a sweat! I then move on to weight machines, my favourite part of the gym! I have already seen such a difference in my ability to lift and I am always building up the weight and trying to lift heavier!

How I feel after a month

I am already stronger and fitter! I still hate cardio (like, a lot) but I have surprised myself with how I still push myself to do it! I can be very inconsistent and unmotivated with these things so I'm pretty proud of myself for keeping it up! I have begun to vary my weight workouts a lot more and I have been trying different machines and weight levels. I can see muscle tone in my legs that wasn't there before and my arms are looking a lot more firm and fit!

How I want to progress

Cardio is something I really want to focus on going forward. I want to learn to love cardio, or just to like it even a little. I think I'm going to mix it up rather than getting on the treadmill and then switching to stair-master. I may incorporate rowing machines or even bikes into the mix and see if I find that more enjoyable! I do want to have a session with a personal trainer to check my form and see if I can do anything differently, and I would also like to maybe try out a few classes. Since weight machines are something I enjoy, I may move on to free weights. That part of the gym isn't somewhere I have explored much (since it's always packed and everyone seems to know what they are doing), but I do think it is something I would enjoy!

Do you have any recommendations of apps or workouts which could help me to enjoy cardio? I am all ears! x

Mental

I've put mental health first in this post because the trials and tribulations of university life can really exacerbate mental health issues and really take a toll on your mental wellbeing! Constant deadlines, exams looming and the idea that you are paying so much for your education adding even more pressure can really get overwhelming! Personally, my preexisting mental health issues became even worse in my second year of university, leading me to seek help and go through counselling and meds.

If you feel your mental wellbeing worsening, your first port of call could be your academic advisor. This is because your mental health can have an effect on your academic work and you may want to let an advisor or tutor know that you are struggling so that they can support you through this and lessen the impact on your studies. Also be sure to check if your university has its own counselling service, as these are often free to access and closely knit to your university. Talking it out to a trained counsellor can really help you to figure out your mental state and help you to choose the steps you should take next. If you feel that you should seek further help, make sure you are signed up to a local GP. They can help you to access additional counselling services and can offer you other treatment options such as medications.

Before it gets to this stage, though, you can do a lot of things to safeguard your mental wellbeing! Self-care is a big one. Take some time to check in with yourself every day, even if just for a little while. Getting a stress breakout? Chill and do a facemask for a bit. Getting tense? Walk it off or learn some yoga in your dorm room with some YouTube tutorials. It's easy to work full-steam ahead around the clock but take some time out each day to make sure your mind is doing good.

Sleep well, even when you have a deadline coming up. It's easy to leave your work until the last minute and pull an all-nighter to get it done. We've all been there. However, try hard to keep a constant sleep pattern and get those precious hours in! If you have a deadline coming up, work on it a bit at a time so that you don't end up having to try and get it all done at once. Your grades will probably thank you for it, as well as those bags under your eyes!

Physical

You don't have to be a total gym bunny to stay physically healthy in university! There are so many ways for you to keep your body happy and healthy! One way to keep active is just to walk or cycle to and from uni. Lots of people who live off campus pick up a student bus pass and while they are a fab idea, they are so easy to become reliant on. I have a bus pass too but I choose to walk to and from uni each day and keep my bus pass use for work at the weekends and any trips all the way into the city centre. Just walking every day has made such a difference to my body. I'm not the healthiest bean and I still have a soft tummy, but my legs are solid! I don't get out of breath when exercising as much as I used to and I reckon this is because I do a little every day!

If you love a good workout, it can be hard at university. Gym memberships are expensive and you may be budgeting for essentials like food and toiletries over this other expense. However, home workouts can be a pretty good substitute! While you aren't getting to use gym equipment and you may not have as much open space to work in as you may be used to, it can take minimal space to do something like pilates or yoga. As long as you are able to roll out a yoga mat you should be good to go! Another way to get those workouts in is to see if your university run fitness classes at a nice cheap student price. I have been able to try out workouts I had never even heard of, such as Bosu, by signing up for these classes and they can be great fun!

While being a student, takeaways and unhealthy foods can be a massive temptation! However, they can also be a massive drain on that bank account and can have an effect on your physical health. When I was going through a really rough time last year, I lived off of cheap takeaway pizza and this left me feeling sluggish and bloated all the time. My skin got worse and my self-esteem plummetted! I had to wean myself off these meals and found enjoyment in cooking once more. One easy way to keep healthy when eating at uni is meal prepping! I make a fantastic veggie curry and I would cook this in bulk and keep my leftovers in tupperware. I also did this for other dishes and it means that even when you have a hard day and you really don't have the energy to cook, you have a homemade meal ready for you in the fridge! They can also be great lunch options to take into uni with you if you have microwaves on campus.

Emotional

Support networks are key in university! Making all those new friends and starting fresh is daunting in the beginning, but everyone is in the same boat and it is so easy to meet people in university! Even as a massive introvert like me! Setting up your support network in uni can really help you to get through those tough emotional times that may come up. It doesn't even need to be a massive network of friends. Just those few people who just get you and who you know can support you without judgement (with you also being there in this way for them).

Keep in contact with your friends and family back home if you have moved away for university. They're only a text or a phone call away and they can offer excellent advice in situations involving your friends from uni since they aren't caught up in the drama and can offer impartial advice from an outside perspective. I call a member of my family at least once a day. That way, I keep updated with their goings on and can take a break from my hectic life at uni!

Do you have any additional advice which I haven't mentioned? I would love to know!x

As a blogger, I dish out a lot of advice. I've always been the mum friend, telling those around me to take care of themselves and appearing to have lots of advice on every different subject under the sun. I was that girl who had been single for years and yet still somehow acted as the group's relationship coach. I'm great at giving out advice. It's something I work on a lot, always googling cures for friends' ailments and helping them to find out where to get what they need. Boy drama? Come over and we'll have a glass of wine and figure it out! Self-care? I could talk for days about the importance of self-care and think up a multitude of ways to practice self-care off the top of my head. I even have a self-care series on this blog!

Do I take my own advice?

Hell no! Should I take my own advice? Probably! It's time to dish out some truths and give some examples! THIS post is about treating yourself how you treat others. It's all about being kind to yourself and getting rid of your negative self-talk. It's a bit of food for thought for those of you who are a bit too hard on yourselves. Do I hope that others read it and get a bit of motivation to be kinder to themselves? Of course I do! However, I can be a very negative person when it comes to myself. I have an incredibly negative attitude towards myself and I am hard on myself sometimes. I also wrote THIS post on balancing work, uni and life. However, I really do not do well at keeping a good balance most of the time.

To basically sum it up, I am great at dishing out advice with the aim to help others. I'm just not very good at taking all this advice myself!

Am I A Hypocrite?

Is it hypocritical to run a blog and dish out as much advice as you can give without actually implementing it to better your own life? All the time, people talk about how the way we portray ourselves on social media is an idealised and edited version of ourselves. Blogging began to feel like that for me. I felt like I was talking about all the great stuff and sharing all the idealistic advice I could give, but still holding back slightly on other aspects of my life. I give advice without showing the full picture. I can tell you to sleep well and work to get a good night time routine, but I am currently writing this post in the early hours. Am I a hypocrite to tell people to try one thing, whilst actively doing the opposite of what I am saying you should do?


Who Am I To Be Giving This Advice?

I am a mess a lot of the time. My room is untidy often, I find it difficult to get motivated, I don't take care of myself as well as I should, I have some nasty habits, and I often think very lowly of myself. It worries me that I find it so easy to somehow have so much advice and yet I'm still not exactly functioning that well myself. As soon as a depressive episode hits I'm much more likely to spend my time in bed surrounded by food packaging that taking the steps that I need to shake myself out of it. I talk lots about self-care yet I don't exactly take care of myself all too well. I make great plans for myself, I just don't follow them all through. I start and stop and start new routines and lifestyle changes, but can never quite keep them up. I forget to take my meds. I oversleep a lot. However, I know the steps that I should be taking and I just hope that the people I give advice to are much better at taking it than I am.

What I Have Taken Away From Writing All This Down


Thanks for joining me on this ramble!x

I had a health kick at the beginning of the summer. I dropped a dress size and felt fab about it. However, as I usually am with these things, I couldn't keep it up and felt myself slipping back into my old ways. I didn't attend the end of my cycle of fitness classes and I stopped the daily workouts. I burned myself out and had lost myself in this strict regime of workouts and dieting. It was all I thought about and I was obsessed with the idea that I could drop a few more pounds, drop another dress size, finally feel attractive to potential partners out there in the world of dating. I wasn't doing it for me, I was doing it because I didn't feel worthy as myself and I felt I had to change in order for people to respect me. Not just romantic partners, but family, friends and anyone who passed by me.

Once I let part of the health kick slip, it all slowly unravelled and I returned back to my old ways, albeit with a new love for blueberries (I cannot get enough). Thanks to my lovely body, the weight came back very quickly and I returned to the body shape I have been for years. However, I wasn't upset this time. I haven't been looking at myself in the mirror ashamed as I usually do. I just feel very neutral about the whole thing. If anything, gaining the weight back hasn't really affected how I perceive my body image, which is something so baffling to me, as someone who has struggled with their body image for years.
What has changed? I've been asking myself this for the last few weeks. Maybe it's the fact that I have started to transition into my autumnal wardrobe and wear all my favourite clothes again. Maybe it's the fact that I have surrounded myself with people who do nothing but lift me up and make me feel secure and happy. Maybe it's the fact that I have more important things to worry about now, as opposed to having time to fixate on my shape and size. Maybe it's that caring so much about something I find very difficult to change is exhausting and I want to focus my attention on things that matter more to me.

In the last few months, I have found out that I have PCOS. It has shown me why I have such a struggle losing weight and this has lessened my guilt about my own body. It's not just my fault. Why should I fight against my body time and time again when the second I stop, everything returns back to the way it was and I ultimately end up sad and upset about my own body. I am not seriously overweight. I don't own a car so I walk absolutely everywhere (I walk so much). I eat fairly well and I have a job which keeps me walking and on my feet. Yes, I could be healthier and I could kick some habits which are really not that great. However, my body is not my enemy and I would much rather feel at home in my own skin than fight against it.


There will always be days that I wish my body wouldn't look like this. There will be days when I would rather tear my body down than feel at home within it. However, I am working towards feeling better in my own skin and I feel this is more important than constantly critiquing it.

September is PCOS awareness month. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome is a common condition which affects ovarian functioning. The main features are irregular periods, excess androgen and polycystic ovaries. Symptoms include irregular periods, lack of periods, fertility issues, excessive hair growth, thinning hair of the head, weight gain and oily skin/acne. If you feel that you are experiencing these symptoms, you can read more about them HERE. I have asked two different doctors about my symptoms and only one of them actually moved along to the process of diagnosis, so ask questions and make sure your symptoms are taken seriously. Diagnosis of PCOS is often quick and simple and involves an ultrasound in order to take a look at your ovaries. If you have any questions about PCOS at all, feel free to get in contact! 

Summer is passing by quicker than ever! I have been working 7 days a week so the days have been feeling like only minutes lately! After just focussing on my health, job and internship for the past month, it's time to think ahead to my final year at university and really gauge how I'm feeling right now. I can't believe that I will be graduating in less than a year, but I have so much to do before I get there!

Excited

Third year is already looking amazing! I have dropped a psychology unit to take up a couple of interdisciplinary courses and I am so excited to expand my knowledge of business and marketing! I am also so ready for my psychology of politics and society module! I have started looking through the reading and I am already finding it so interesting! I am so ready to get stuck back into my  degree and really work hard this year!

I also have a lot of amazing opportunities coming up this year which I am so excited to jump into! I am on the committee for a mental health society in my university! Last year, I got really involved in this society and even co-set up a mental health mentoring scheme for students! Becoming the peer support officer on the committee means that I can keep up the hard work and oversee the scheme as it grows and develops! I can't wait!

I also have a role in my course's peer support scheme, which aims to help first years to settle into university life and excel from the start of their degrees! I can't wait to help to facilitate the constant improvements in this scheme and I truly believe that it will be bigger and better than ever with our coordination team!

Nervous

I am pretty worried about stress and workload. I went a bit off the rails in terms of my mental health last year and cut myself off from a lot of people. My grades dropped and I developed a nasty spending problem! Lately, I have been able to get myself back on track and I have really improved my physical and mental health. I am just hoping that I can keep this up once i'm back in university. I think that what I am going to do is book onto the fitness classes I have been attending over summer and this will help me to break up my days and have a good workout on my lunch breaks. It will help me to bust my stress and clear my mind!

Because my grades fell last year, I have to really work twice as hard this year to get myself back on track! I am nervous that I will continue to work hard but not see any improvement in my grades, just as I did last year. However, I know that I feel more connected to my units this year and way more enthusiastic about them. I know that I will be engaged and I will (hopefully) enjoy my units this year!

Eager

This is my final year and I need to jump into it head first! I will be so busy trying to smash my degree, figure out what I will be doing after graduation, and balance my extracurriculars and part time work! However, working 7 days a week this summer has taught me that I thrive when I keep busy. When I am busy, my days have a solid structure and I do not have time to over-think or dwell on events which have occurred in the past. I can't wait to get back to the grind of university and I can't wait to see what the future brings!

If you're in education, how are you approaching this coming year? x

Let's talk about self care again! Keeping on top of your mental health is incredibly important and it should be incorporated into your day-to-day routines. Even if we don't think about the implications for our mental health, a lot of the activities we already do in the name of self care have really good effects on our mental wellbeing! Here are a few suggestions of ways in which we can take care of our minds on a daily basis!

Body Care + Skincare

Taking the time to take care of yourself physically can work wonders when your mental health is not up to scratch. Just slowing down and doing something that has no purpose other than to make you feel good. This can be done a little everyday, with nice smelling body wash or a really nice cleanser. Something that feels a little pampering in your daily routine. Your nighttime skincare routine is an ample opportunity for this! You can also go out every so often! Do a face mask or hair mask, slather on a lovely body butter or give yourself a hand massage and cuticle pamper!


Sleep Hygiene

We all know that getting enough sleep is incredibly important, but we are almost all guilty of finding several excuses nightly to put it off! Whether it's late night studying, a Netflix session or a really good book, there always seem to be so many excuses for late nights and foggy mornings after too little sleep! Perhaps we can improve our sleep by being a little stricter with ourselves. I could take for hours about the importance of sleep, especially as a psychology student with a massive interest in it, but let's keep it simple! If we don't get enough sleep, we may wake up cranky and this is not the best way to go about our day! By waking up feeling more rested, rejuvenated and ready for the day, we could have a great kick start and go about our days in a better mental space. Set up a nighttime routine to get your body ready for a good rest and to wind down after the day. Take more baths to get into that cosy feeling! Have less screen time in the evening and grab a magazine or a book. Listen to your favourite chilled out music. Get on some ambient lighting. Whatever you do to wind down, make it a solid routine and stick with it. You'll be thanking yourself in the mornings!

Journaling

This is said time and time again, but i'm going to say it again because it's true. Getting your feelings down on paper can be such a good release. While you are writing down what is bothering you or what is happening around you, you are processing it all. You have to think through it purposefully in order to get the words down. I find that when I am journaling, I begin to really look through my issues in a constructive way and I start to come up with solutions or alternative ways of thinking. I then write them down and highlight them so that when I look back at my pages and look through what has been going on, I am immediately drawn to the solutions I have come up with and it reminds me that I can change my thinking.


Date Yourself

Sounds weird but hear me out. Take yourself to nice places. Go and have a solitary coffee somewhere or take a nice walk somewhere pretty. You don't need others to enjoy your time and learning to spend time with yourself and growing to enjoy it can be really mentally strengthening. I am living alone over summer and I genuinely hate my own company, but learning to make plans to go out and do stuff without having someone to meet has been a really nice exercise in self discipline. I have the opportunity to cancel my plans and stay at home in bed without really letting anyone down, but I push myself out of my flat and I end up really enjoying this time out alone. I have been discovering places which I have been waiting to visit with other people and now that I have been, introducing others to these places will be even better because I can show them all my favourite parts of the places!

Breaking Habits

Perhaps one of the best ways to take care of yourself mentally is to break those bad habits of yours. If you think less about breaking habits and more about getting into healthy habits, this will help you to fixate less on the bad habit which you are trying to fix. For example, instead of focusing on breaking my bad eating habits, I have set a goal of cooking proper meals every night and learning to enjoy cooking and learning new recipes. I focus less on getting rid of the bad foods, and more about getting into the habit of cooking good tasting proper meals. It makes it a lot more enjoyable! Here are some of the habits which I am looking to break, and the subsequent habits which I am hoping to build.

• Less screen time
• Get back into reading. Find a new favourite author and work at reading all of their works.
• Less drinking
• Invite friends over for games and food more (as opposed to just inviting people over to drink). You can cook for them whenever you find a really nice new recipe and enjoy the food with them.
• Stop staying up too late and oversleeping
• Fix your bedtime routine and find more nice relaxing hobbies to do before bed. Update your nighttime playlist.

I miss my weekly diary posts! It felt good to write everything down and put it out there. Like throwing my personal life out there and getting it off my chest and out of my mind! I may start up the Pull Yourself Together posts again soon but for now, I just want to talk about everything significant that's going on at the moment. Full disclosure. Holding nothing back!

Right now in this moment

My chest feels a bit heavy. I'm trying to pick myself up from a down day. I am a fully hormonal and emotional wreck at the moment and I've nearly cried more times than I can count today! I have been suppressing a lot of negative feelings for a while now and I feel like they are spilling over. My counsellor isn't free for a session until the end of the month and I am sick and tired of going to the GP so often lately, even though my GP is lovely and a total angel! I don't know if I want to speak about everything with friends either. We all have so much going on and I don't want to add to their heaps of troubles! The thing is, in the past few months I have become a sharer. I used to bottle everything up but in the past few months, I have done the opposite. I have almost become reliant on sharing everything with others and now that I don't feel like I should do that, it's becoming really hard to keep stable.


University

My grades dropped this semester. No matter how hard I have tried to write excellent assignments, it just hasn't been quite good enough. It's almost making me give up. When I got low, I didn't go to my lectures either, which has caused me to fall completely behind with university when exams are looming overhead. I'm not sure if I can pull everything together in time. I'm trying to go back to the way I was in first year, when I was getting great marks in my assignments and studying with intense motivation, but I am just so tired. It's stressing me out so much that I am smoking again. Not great!

Health

Aside from my mental health, my physical health has also been up and down. I started having fortnightly periods. One week on, one week off, one week on, etc. Yeah, that's not ideal. They were also escalating in severity to the point where they are now as bad as they were in high school, before my prescription period medication and being on the pill. After a few weeks of tests to see what has been up with me lately, I finally got diagnosed with PCOS. I have known that I have this for a few years but in my hometown, my GP never took me seriously when I asked about it. However, my GP here has been so helpful and when I mentioned it and talked through my symptoms, he booked me straight in for an ultrasound. Goodness, PCOS gives me so many answers for things I have been experiencing for years. So many things which have been dismissed when I have tried to talk about them! I have also been super ill for the past week with a sinus infection. Not the greatest of times!

Good things

I realise now that a lot of what I have just written is all doom and gloom. There have been some good things! However, as you may know, memories are emotional things and we tend to remember events better if they evoke very strong emotions. That's why we remember all the bad stuff easier. It's just the way we're wired. However, I'm gonna rack my brains for some good stuff! I managed to go home and see my family a couple of weekends ago! It's my favourite! I saw my grandparents, cousins, parents and my lil teenage brother. I started using OpenLearn again to pick up short courses for free which is fun and interesting! I also got some great blogging opportunities which I loved being a part of, including being sent some lovely goodies from Simply Soaps which are a couple of my new faves! I also just ate the biggest and nicest piece of cake in the world from Manchester Museum. White chocolate and poppyseed cake, what a beauty!


When I was writing the PYT posts weekly, it was easier to keep track of the good stuff going on in my life and it pushed me to get out of bed and do more, so I could blog about it and share the experience. I think it's time to bring those posts back, are you ready?? x

Pull Yourself Together #14 coming Monday 14th May...

I was brainstorming for blog ideas this morning and it struck me that I haven't talked about my body confidence and how it has changed and shifted over the years. I also have some advice that I want to share on the subject and also a little bit to say about how getting my first tattoo has affected the way I see my body.


I don't think I really thought about my body shape until high school. In primary school, everyone just got along and I only have good memories from that time in my early life. However, it wasn't the same in high school, which I think is quite common. I was beginning to see, and hear, negatives about my body that I just hadn't considered before. I felt fat and I began to dislike my features. In PE, I felt useless. I was told that I just wasn't trying at sports and needed to get on with it when what I really needed was the encouragement to improve rather than being completely terrified to go to another PE class. Comments were made about my nose being 'massive' and 'huge'. I remember one instance when I was told that I would never find someone who would go out with me unless they were blind.




Towards the end of high school, I obsessed over body image and tried all the home workouts in the world. In time for prom, I had slimmed down quite a bit and felt slightly better about myself that summer. I even wore a bikini once, but I was still pretty terrified and didn't wear it for long! It was the beginning of my on/off relationship with working out and fitness bursts.


College was a bit better in terms of my body image. I was riding the wave of the body positivity movement and I started my first part-time job so I was able to buy all the clothes I wanted to wear and dress exactly how I wanted. Gone were the days of having to wear a school uniform five days a week and then normal clothes twice a week. I was wearing MY clothes five days a week and then a fast food uniform twice a week. Even when I was putting on weight from stress eating during my A-Levels, I still felt super cute. I started experimenting more with makeup and funky clothes and I even cut my hair super short! I felt individual and suddenly my weight didn't seem like my defining feature.