I thought I would chat for a while on here about polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) and the process I had to go through to get diagnosed. It is still something that irritates me and something I felt that needed to be shared. You should always have your concerns taken seriously since you are the best person to spot differences or irregularities in your body!

Symptoms I have experienced

Ever since I had my first period, I have had symptoms of PCOS which I either overlooked or believed were completely normal. Most of them can be completely normal, but the extent of them and the amount of them were an indication of PCOS and my hormone imbalances.

Heavy and irregular periods
Am I comfortable talking about this on here? Totally. I used to be so ashamed of my periods and experienced a lot of anxiety surrounding them. Even when they have been regular, my periods have always been pretty intense. The amount of blood leaving my body every month was alarming and I was having to literally go to the bathroom hourly to change my super tampon (something I wasn't yet comfortable with having to do in the school/college bathrooms). The cramps were also a force to be reckoned with. I would double over, clutch my abdomen, squirm around in my seat and pop painkillers like they were sweets. I figured they were normal since we were warned that everyone has cramps in sex ed, but what I didn't know was that everyone experiences these things very differently. My period irregularities come and go, which is irregular in itself, but there have been many times where I have been getting my periods every other week which I hope never happens again but know it probably will.

Hair, hair and more hair
Oh dear, this has also been a big thing that I've had to work on in terms of confidence and anxiety. I remember a time in primary school where I was told that my super hairy legs were gross and that I had a moustache growing on my face. I was horrified and immediately went to the bathroom to cry. A moustache? No way! My peach fuzz is pretty thick. My upper lip can get pretty hairy. I get thick hairs on my chin. My body hair can grow very thick. It took me a long while to dispel the myths about women shaving their face, but I do in fact shave my face now. It's not completely necessary and I don't feel like I need to shave it all the time, but it does boost my confidence and it makes my skin feel super soft which is a massive bonus. However, the hair on my head tends to act the opposite. It's constantly shedding and I definitely feel that it's so much thinner than it used to be. When I vacuum my carpet I'm shook by the amount of hair that's fallen out of my head and my hairbrush gets full of hair so quickly. It's a bit grim but not the end of the world.

Skin probs
Most people get oily skin and spots. My skin is very very oily and although I have become good at taking care of my skin and managing breakouts, it used to get me down a lot! I also used to get a lot of spots on my back and that meant that I felt very uncomfortable in any shirt that didn't cover my whole back and shoulders. The main thing that still bugs me is how oily my skin is but it's manageable now!

My mind
Depression, anxiety and mood swings have been something which I have been dealing with for years and years and years, and it wasn't until I started talking to my current GP that I realised that these are also associated with PCOS. I bounce from extremely down and depressed to incredibly energetic and upbeat without a moment's notice. Often the depressive episodes can stick and I'll be incredibly down for weeks. I'm working on it!

My weight
My baseline weight has always been pretty heavy. When I'm on the healthiest of kicks I will not lose weight at all and it can get frustrating and upsetting. It's taken me a while but I'm good with my body shape now, but it does still bum me out sometimes. So much of my body fat is on my lower belly and I call it my PCOS pouch, I'm beginning to think it's kinda cute.

Diagnosis attempt #1

When I was in high school, I went to my GP about my period problems. They were so painful that I was finding it hard to attend school and the amount of blood made me incredibly anxious. I was prescribed tranexamic acid and mefenamic acid for my periods and these did help massively, but I wanted to know why my periods were this grim. I did some research and asked my GP about PCOS. He got me to lay on the bench-y thing (you know, the bed thing in a GP office) and pressed around on my tummy before telling me he didn't feel any cysts so I didn't have PCOS. I kind of accepted this at the time but that was actually bullshit and you cannot feel anything to do with PCOS just from pressing on your tummy.

Diagnosis attempt #2

I was already regularly seeing my current GP due to my mental health when my periods started to come every other week. It was grim and I felt like they were getting worse and worse. I brought it up to my GP and I also mentioned the thoughts I had about PCOS in the past. He told me that my past GP was wrong about claiming how to diagnose PCOS and he got me booked in for an ultrasound and a blood test. I didn't know what to expect when going in for the ultrasound but it was pretty uncomfortable. I was told to go with a full bladder so I was bursting for the loo while the ultrasound thingy was being prodded onto my abdomen. My tummy also made some funky noises in the silent room and I wanted to get out asap. According to the blood test, my hormones are a bit muddled (including high testosterone) and the ultrasound confirmed that I have PCOS.

Well, the more you know...

I wasn't surprised to be told I have PCOS so it didn't affect me as much as it maybe could have. It made a lot of sense to me and it was quite comforting to know that my suspicions over the years were right and I wasn't just overthinking my symptoms. It's good to know that when a symptom is acting up I can say why it's happening and what's causing the trouble. I switched my birth control to a combined pill which help to regulate my periods and some of the hormonal stuff and I began to treat myself less harshly about my weight and mood swings. It's led to a lot of acceptance for me. A year on and I feel better and more accepting in myself than ever.

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome is a common condition which affects ovarian functioning. The main features are irregular periods, excess androgen and polycystic ovaries. Symptoms include irregular periods, lack of periods, fertility issues, excessive hair growth, thinning hair of the head, weight gain and oily skin/acne. If you feel that you are experiencing these symptoms, you can read more about them HERE. I have asked two different doctors about my symptoms and only one of them actually moved along to the process of diagnosis, so ask questions and make sure your symptoms are taken seriously. Diagnosis of PCOS is often quick and simple and involves an ultrasound in order to take a look at your ovaries. If you have any questions about PCOS at all, feel free to get in contact! 

Going to the GP

Why did I go on sertraline in the first place? To put it bluntly, I had a breakdown which had been a long time coming and at the lowest point, I really scared myself. I was at the worst point I had been at in as long as I can remember and I was scared that if I didn't talk to a GP then I would end up in an even worse state. My mood was incredibly low, I was anxious all the time and I was overthinking and second guessing everything. I experienced a lot of intrusive thoughts about the people around me and how they felt about me, which led me to push almost everyone away. My self esteem was in the garbage and I felt scared that things would never improve. I had a very teary phone conversation with my GP first thing next morning and he managed to have an appointment for me by the next hour, so I was able to go in on the same day and didn't have to wait. We talked through everything that I was feeling and how hopeless I felt, since I had tried different routes of counselling and was scared to take medication. However, I agreed that meds were at least worth a shot so I was prescribed 50mg of sertraline and told to get back in contact with my counsellor.

Starting sertraline

When the GP tells you that the first few weeks are the worst, they are totally right. I was no more depressed than before, but I was struggling a lot with anxiety. I would have random anxiety attacks in work and have to sit in the back room to recover for a while. I was also incredibly drowsy which led me into trouble when trying to concentrate on my work. The strangest side effect that I experienced, however, was a total lack of appetite for the first couple of weeks. I eat all day every day and for me to not be hungry is absolutely unheard of. However, when I started sertraline I would forget to eat a lot because I just didn't feel hungry! Acid reflux due to the combination of sertraline and my excessive coffee habits was also annoying but I discovered the beautiful curative powers of Gaviscon and it helped a lot!

It wasn't all bad though! My sleep improved dramatically! Because I was drowsy, I would sleep earlier and wake up earlier. I missed fewer classes because I wasn't sleeping through them, and I wouldn't be up all through the early hours like I used to be. Plus, this first couple of weeks allowed me to focus more on my body, how it was reacting to the medication, and what still needed work.

Settling in

After the initial side effects began to subside, I began to realise that my mood was much more regulated and I felt a lot calmer. I spiralled into overthinking and depression a lot less, and when I did spiral it was a lot less severe. Once this change occurred, I started working more on my personal development and I have been able to balance so many more extra-curricular activities, I started this blog, I did more peer support volunteering, and I even completed an amazing summer internship.

Now

There have been ups and downs. I have gone from 50mg to 100mg and finally to my current dose of 150mg. I have been on 150mg for a long while now and it seems to work best for me. I feel calmer, more confident and a lot happier than I was. There are definitely still hiccups (like right now) and I have had to work hard mentally for where i'm at right now, but the sertraline has helped me to facilitate that work. I wouldn't be where I am if I was just taking the sertraline without working hard on my mental health, it's better to use alongside counselling/therapy. Still not 100% okay, but I've made progress and that's great! Yes, I still miss some lectures because I can't get up in the morning on a bad day, but I have the motivation to catch up on what i've missed rather than just panicking and not doing anything! I also feel a lot more resilient when things go wrong in my social life, whereas I used to immediately shut down at any sign of social problems.

Disclaimer: this is just my experience, people react to sertraline differently and what works for me may work differently for you, I just know that some people wanted to hear my experience and I know that posts like these would have helped me when I started sertraline!

Photo by Danielle Cerullo on Unsplash

I never thought I would love fitness this much, but here we are! I joined the gym a month ago and I am honestly so proud of myself for pushing myself to go. I have been wanting to join a gym for a couple years now but the idea of working out in front of other people terrified me. I have experienced a lot of anxiety surrounding the way I view my body and my fitness, and I have felt a lot of shame. However, I knew that could only be beaten if I just joined and started working out and working though the fears!

Pushing myself to join

It's kind of like the 'fuck it' philosophy. I had been thinking about joining the gym for forever, but it took one 'fuck it' moment for me to ask a friend where they go and then sign up for my induction. I think that's the best way to do things. There wasn't a massive lead up on the day of me waking up and saying "I'm going to join the gym today", I just did it without thinking too much about it. It worked, I booked my induction for the next morning and told myself that I had to get up and do it.

I was super nervous going into my induction. I had spent too long thinking about going to the gym and then overthinking about all the things that could go wrong. What if people see how unfit I am? What if I fall on the treadmill? What if I break a machine? What if someone finds it funny how little I can lift? But I went to my induction, at 8:30 on a Saturday morning, because I had it booked in so I had to go! The trainer was lovely and informative and I was actually the only one who had turned up to the induction so I got to have a go on almost everything with the guidance of the trainer. By the end of the induction, I felt so much more confident about my choice to join the gym! I felt like I knew the basics and I knew how to use most of the machines with proper form. That was all it took for me to feel fine about going to the gym and working out around others.

Why am I going to the gym?

I've been fine with my appearance lately, and I have worked on my confidence a great deal, so why have I finally decided to join the gym? Surprisingly, it isn't because I want to lose weight and slim down. I just want to feel healthier and stronger! I start every workout with a session of cardio because I have been so sluggish and I have felt so fed up about feeling tired and out of energy all the time. It feels good to get the blood pumping and work up a bit of a sweat! I then move on to weight machines, my favourite part of the gym! I have already seen such a difference in my ability to lift and I am always building up the weight and trying to lift heavier!

How I feel after a month

I am already stronger and fitter! I still hate cardio (like, a lot) but I have surprised myself with how I still push myself to do it! I can be very inconsistent and unmotivated with these things so I'm pretty proud of myself for keeping it up! I have begun to vary my weight workouts a lot more and I have been trying different machines and weight levels. I can see muscle tone in my legs that wasn't there before and my arms are looking a lot more firm and fit!

How I want to progress

Cardio is something I really want to focus on going forward. I want to learn to love cardio, or just to like it even a little. I think I'm going to mix it up rather than getting on the treadmill and then switching to stair-master. I may incorporate rowing machines or even bikes into the mix and see if I find that more enjoyable! I do want to have a session with a personal trainer to check my form and see if I can do anything differently, and I would also like to maybe try out a few classes. Since weight machines are something I enjoy, I may move on to free weights. That part of the gym isn't somewhere I have explored much (since it's always packed and everyone seems to know what they are doing), but I do think it is something I would enjoy!

Do you have any recommendations of apps or workouts which could help me to enjoy cardio? I am all ears! x

As a blogger, I dish out a lot of advice. I've always been the mum friend, telling those around me to take care of themselves and appearing to have lots of advice on every different subject under the sun. I was that girl who had been single for years and yet still somehow acted as the group's relationship coach. I'm great at giving out advice. It's something I work on a lot, always googling cures for friends' ailments and helping them to find out where to get what they need. Boy drama? Come over and we'll have a glass of wine and figure it out! Self-care? I could talk for days about the importance of self-care and think up a multitude of ways to practice self-care off the top of my head. I even have a self-care series on this blog!

Do I take my own advice?

Hell no! Should I take my own advice? Probably! It's time to dish out some truths and give some examples! THIS post is about treating yourself how you treat others. It's all about being kind to yourself and getting rid of your negative self-talk. It's a bit of food for thought for those of you who are a bit too hard on yourselves. Do I hope that others read it and get a bit of motivation to be kinder to themselves? Of course I do! However, I can be a very negative person when it comes to myself. I have an incredibly negative attitude towards myself and I am hard on myself sometimes. I also wrote THIS post on balancing work, uni and life. However, I really do not do well at keeping a good balance most of the time.

To basically sum it up, I am great at dishing out advice with the aim to help others. I'm just not very good at taking all this advice myself!

Am I A Hypocrite?

Is it hypocritical to run a blog and dish out as much advice as you can give without actually implementing it to better your own life? All the time, people talk about how the way we portray ourselves on social media is an idealised and edited version of ourselves. Blogging began to feel like that for me. I felt like I was talking about all the great stuff and sharing all the idealistic advice I could give, but still holding back slightly on other aspects of my life. I give advice without showing the full picture. I can tell you to sleep well and work to get a good night time routine, but I am currently writing this post in the early hours. Am I a hypocrite to tell people to try one thing, whilst actively doing the opposite of what I am saying you should do?


Who Am I To Be Giving This Advice?

I am a mess a lot of the time. My room is untidy often, I find it difficult to get motivated, I don't take care of myself as well as I should, I have some nasty habits, and I often think very lowly of myself. It worries me that I find it so easy to somehow have so much advice and yet I'm still not exactly functioning that well myself. As soon as a depressive episode hits I'm much more likely to spend my time in bed surrounded by food packaging that taking the steps that I need to shake myself out of it. I talk lots about self-care yet I don't exactly take care of myself all too well. I make great plans for myself, I just don't follow them all through. I start and stop and start new routines and lifestyle changes, but can never quite keep them up. I forget to take my meds. I oversleep a lot. However, I know the steps that I should be taking and I just hope that the people I give advice to are much better at taking it than I am.

What I Have Taken Away From Writing All This Down


Thanks for joining me on this ramble!x

I'm having one of those days.

This is me right now:

I have no idea if this post 'flowed' at all or if it's a worthwhile read, I just wanted to show that we all have those days and it's okay to show others. It's just a part of life and not something to completely sweep under the rug.

See you soon for some positive content and lots of tip and advice! x

Self-care is super important! That is why I will be making quite a few posts on the subject. I am still learning how to take proper care of myself, physically and mentally, but I have grown a lot in the past year and I would like to share what I have learned!

Setting up a safe space is vital to your wellbeing. It is somewhere you can go to get away from the stressful world and take some time to yourself. For me, this space is my room. I share a house with five other people so it's the only place I truly have to myself! However, your space doesn't have to be your room! It could be a kitchen, a certain spot in the library, a certain park, etc. For the sake of this post, I will be focussing on setting up a space within your own home, as this is where you can most likely control your surroundings!

Firstly, it is important to surround yourself with your interests. I do this with posters, by displaying my books and records, by pinning up sentimental objects, and by owning many plants! In terms of posters, I have a couple large posters (a Prince poster and an X Files poster) and a couple smaller film posters (The Shining and Star Wars). I understand that a lot of people prefer to keep their walls clearer and that is totally up to you! Whatever you feel comfortable with will work best for you! That's the trick to building your own space, you know what works best for you personally and can experiment freely.

I like to fill my safe space with music. It sets a mood for me and I tend to feel uncomfortable in silence. Most of the time, i'll pop a record on my turntable. However, I also listen to a lot of music on YouTube and Spotify! There are really good lo-fi playlists on YouTube and I love playing music that blurs into the background and doesn't distract my thoughts.

For me, my space has to smell nice. I cannot stand a room that smells bad or stale. I have reed diffusers dotted around my room. Just the cheap lavender ones from Primark. Walking into my room and being hit with its signature scent is so comforting to me. It reminds me that i'm stepping into a space which is mine alone.

Airing out your room is important! Super important! As soon as it's mild outside, open your window a crack and let some fresh air into your room. Your lungs will thank you! Either that or open the door to your room for a while. Let it circulate!

Soft furnishings and textiles are a massive bonus! Blankets, pillows and fresh sheets are a few of my favourite things! They make me feel relaxed and keep me warm in winter. Comfort is key in a safe space! It doesn't have to be anything too fancy though, my blankets are the cheapest ones from Primark and they do the job nicely!

Lighting, I find, is super important and can affect my moods and headspace dramatically! I prefer lamplight over my main room light so I keep my lamp beside my bed. When I want to relax, that's the only light I have on. When I am socialising or focussing, all my lights are on. I keep my blinds open 24/7 because I have a skylight window so nobody can look in but all the sunlight can stream in when I wake up. This means that I wake up immediately with the sunlight and don't stay in bed in the mornings as much as I used to! The sunlight is also super great when i'm studying and focussing, and also for blog pictures!

As I have mentioned, this space doesn't necessarily have to be in your home. This is a list of spaces where I feel the calmest and most comfortable:

• The quiet study floor of my local museum
• The psychology building cafe
• The woodland walk behind my parents' house
• On a quiet morning bus with my headphones on
• My favourite bench in the local art gallery
• Waterstones, or any bookshop anywhere
• The corner seat in my favourite cafe

Let me know what makes your space comfortable and stress-free! I would love to hear from you!