- Lessons Learned is a new series of chatty blog posts where I talk about all the lessons I have learned in adulthood so far which I wish I had learned earlier -

Man, do you know what? I've gone from rarely allowing a picture of myself to be taken to using the camera timer to take loads of pictures of myself or spending a full day with Chloe (My Second Attempt) walking around Manchester and taking pics of ourselves. I wouldn't say that this change was completely organic, it was mostly because I wanted to post more fashion-based content on my Instagram and blog, but it's been an unexpectedly healthy change for me! Seeing images of myself online (eg. when a family member catches you unawares and you end up getting notified by Facebook that you've been tagged in a hideous image) used to be my worst nightmare. I didn't want people to see my body, the weird way I stand, my nose and generally my self. However, when you're taking pictures with a purpose and you get to pose a few different ways, have fun with the process of taking the pictures, and then muddle them into your Insta feed, it becomes more of a fun and creative process rather than a horrible 'oh god untag me' kind of experience. It still doesn't quite come naturally to me to take lots of pics of myself but I have a little strategy to deal with the body-image based nerves.


Focus on the outfit, not the body

When getting ready to take blog pictures, thinking about what outfit to showcase (or alternatively what makeup to wear) is the first priority. In recent years I've changed my thinking from 'dress for your size' to 'wear what looks good as an outfit' which has helped my confidence quite a bit. When I had the 'dress for your size' ethos, I would cover myself in baggy clothes which swamped my figure and ended up making me look unshapely and left me feeling massive. I still love baggy pieces, but I wear them with better-fitting pieces so that I'm at least showing some of my actual body shape. When I focus more on the clothes and the outfit itself, rather than the body I'm dressing, it gets me excited to put the outfit together and share it.


Focus on the picture, not the body

When in front of the camera it's super easy to want to find ways to hide your body and your figure, so I have decided to push thoughts of my body to the back of my mind (when I can) and to think of ways I can pose to make the picture or clothes look better. For example, taking photos from a low angle wouldn't be the most flattering, but the picture itself would look nice with the blue sky in the background. If I'm wearing funky sleeves, I think of ways I can show them off. If I find a mural, I find a way that I can interact with it in the picture. Thoughts like this pull my focus away from my body while I take the pictures.



Oh wait, that looks good 

Going through a load of pictures of yourself can get very mundane and I end up deleting the majority of the pictures I take or are taken of me. However, those that make the cut have passed my tremendous scrutiny, they're decent pictures. They show the outfit well enough, the pose worked, the lighting is decent. It's a good photo. Liking a picture of myself is a good feeling, and I feel like we all need a few good pictures of ourselves. Plus it's nice to have a new profile pic or a new picture for the grid on Instagram!


Oh wait, my body looks good

The more I look at the nicer pictures of myself, the more I look at the way my body looks and the things I used to hate about myself I've learned to start to love. Seeing pictures in clothes that hug my curves reinforces the fact that a lot of the time (when I'm not having issues with my body-image) my curves make me feel good. I feel soft and kind of cute. Learning to enjoy pictures of myself has helped me in my attempts to learn to love my kind of plus-size body, the tummy that won't go away no matter how much I diet, the nose I used to be teased for, the large thighs, and the bum that I used to think was just too massive.

I was at an event where I was mixing with a bunch of A Level students and telling them all about uni life and what to expect when a girl approached me looking like she had a pretty serious question to ask me. We sat to the side and I told her to ask me anything, and she told me that she was worried that everyone else around her seemed to know what they wanted to do post-graduation, even though they hadn't even begun their degrees. "Is it bad that I don't know what to do after education? When will I absolutely need to know?" She's not even in uni yet and she's already worried and anxious about finishing her degree. Here's the response I gave her and the advice I want to share on here with you.

It's okay to go into something not knowing the outcome

Taking risks or stepping out of your comfort zone will help you to figure out what you can and can't do well and what you do or don't enjoy. This even applies to choosing a degree subject or a job. It isn't a case of 'choose this and stick with it forever' and you won't know you enjoy it unless you give it a go. Some people around me have switched degrees and others have stuck with theirs. Some people have gone into a job thinking they would hate it and ended up loving it, others have had the opposite happen to them. A lot of what we do is trial and error, and you won't know whether something works for you unless you give it a try.

We all change our minds 

The chances are that a lot of the people around you who are completely certain of what they want to do will end up changing their minds. As a psychology student, I started out wanting to work as a forensic psychologist and now i'm going into marketing as my career of choice. I have a friend who started out wanting to be a clinical psychologist and now she's set to become a teacher. Some people change their minds later in life and leave their long-time career to pursue something new. Nothing is set and nobody's plans are set. The fact that you don't have a plan will change before you know it, and then your new plan can change too.

University will introduce you to new avenues you hadn't even considered before

Don't have a plan now? You probably will have one after some time in university. Try out all sorts of new things in university. It's the best place to do this! Join societies, get involved and take up opportunities even if you're unsure of whether they are for you. I decided to volunteer as a Welcome Hero at the start of my second year, which basically meant that throughout freshers' week I accompanied new students on trips around the area, I volunteered at the freshers' fair, and I spent a lot of time standing outside the Students' Union with a big arrow pointing people to events. I loved the buzz of Welcome Week so much that when the opportunity for a summer internship involving preparations for Welcome Week came up, I applied straight away and ended up getting a paid internship for the whole summer working in marketing for Welcome Week, as well as marketing for other aspects of the uni. I loved it so much that i'm now pursuing marketing as a career, something I hadn't even considered before! To cut a long story short, your 'plan' can come at the most unexpected of times, so just take up opportunities where you see them and you never know what might happen!

Sidenote - taking up these opportunities will also look fab on your CV, whatever you decide to do!

Do you have a plan? How has your plan changed?x

I am trying to get healthier and, unlike my previous health kicks, I am doing this gradually and taking smaller and more sustainable steps towards this. I used to go from never working out to attempting to work out every day and by the end of the month I would have fallen off track and given up. Instead of this, I am not trying to work out loads every week, completely change my diet and drop loads of weight immediately. Instead, I am making baby steps and combatting my unhealthy habits one by one.

Food

I am not eating less, I am just substituting certain foods. I have already cut down on most dairy and I am already a vegetarian so I will be carrying on with this. I am going to try to home cook meals more as I tend to be lazy after uni and pick up a meal deal or just eat out! I also want to incorporate more protein into my diet because I haven't really paid attention to my protein intake since going veggie (years ago) and I really should start! I am not going to stop myself from eating unhealthy foods altogether, but I'm going to try to have more balance because I tend to eat a lot of unhealthy foods and don't really pay attention to what I am eating. I am also the biggest stress/boredom eater ever and I'm trying to be more mindful of when I'm about to binge so that I can stop myself or find a healthy alternative.

Exercise

I already walk everywhere since I don't drive. But, I want to do more. I walk out of necessity to university and back every day but I want to do more walking outside of this. I have started to walk to my local parks, and then having a jog around the parks before walking home. This gives me more time outdoors and more me-time. I also joined a gym for the first time in my life and I am loving it! I go whenever I can (so not a massive amount at the moment) and I love how my body feels after a workout!

Sleep

I'm not exactly going to bed early yet, but I'm going to bed earlier that I was. Ish. Okay, I'm working on it! When I don't have friends over, I aim to go to bed before midnight and I actually have a bedtime routine set. I light a bit of lavender incense, I remove my makeup and do my whole skincare routine, then I pop on some relaxing music that reminds me of my hometown and I pretty much drift off to sleep straight away since my days have been busy and I am always tired!

Brain

This one's a bit more difficult than the others but I'm trying my best to improve my mood. By that, I mean to keep it regulated and try to cope with uni better. Firstly, I'm trying to get more consistent with taking my medication for low mood and anxiety. You would think that after a year I would be better at this but you would be wrong! I am keeping track with a lil tickbox at the end of my daily bullet journal page and I've set about 12 reminders on my phone telling me to take my meds, so that should work. I'm also staying single for a while, which should drastically improve my mental health after the past few months! Finally, I'm spending more time with the people closest to me here in Manchester, which has improved my mood so much since I was beginning to feel isolated and lonely!

What small changes are you making to benefit your wellbeing? x

Mental

I've put mental health first in this post because the trials and tribulations of university life can really exacerbate mental health issues and really take a toll on your mental wellbeing! Constant deadlines, exams looming and the idea that you are paying so much for your education adding even more pressure can really get overwhelming! Personally, my preexisting mental health issues became even worse in my second year of university, leading me to seek help and go through counselling and meds.

If you feel your mental wellbeing worsening, your first port of call could be your academic advisor. This is because your mental health can have an effect on your academic work and you may want to let an advisor or tutor know that you are struggling so that they can support you through this and lessen the impact on your studies. Also be sure to check if your university has its own counselling service, as these are often free to access and closely knit to your university. Talking it out to a trained counsellor can really help you to figure out your mental state and help you to choose the steps you should take next. If you feel that you should seek further help, make sure you are signed up to a local GP. They can help you to access additional counselling services and can offer you other treatment options such as medications.

Before it gets to this stage, though, you can do a lot of things to safeguard your mental wellbeing! Self-care is a big one. Take some time to check in with yourself every day, even if just for a little while. Getting a stress breakout? Chill and do a facemask for a bit. Getting tense? Walk it off or learn some yoga in your dorm room with some YouTube tutorials. It's easy to work full-steam ahead around the clock but take some time out each day to make sure your mind is doing good.

Sleep well, even when you have a deadline coming up. It's easy to leave your work until the last minute and pull an all-nighter to get it done. We've all been there. However, try hard to keep a constant sleep pattern and get those precious hours in! If you have a deadline coming up, work on it a bit at a time so that you don't end up having to try and get it all done at once. Your grades will probably thank you for it, as well as those bags under your eyes!

Physical

You don't have to be a total gym bunny to stay physically healthy in university! There are so many ways for you to keep your body happy and healthy! One way to keep active is just to walk or cycle to and from uni. Lots of people who live off campus pick up a student bus pass and while they are a fab idea, they are so easy to become reliant on. I have a bus pass too but I choose to walk to and from uni each day and keep my bus pass use for work at the weekends and any trips all the way into the city centre. Just walking every day has made such a difference to my body. I'm not the healthiest bean and I still have a soft tummy, but my legs are solid! I don't get out of breath when exercising as much as I used to and I reckon this is because I do a little every day!

If you love a good workout, it can be hard at university. Gym memberships are expensive and you may be budgeting for essentials like food and toiletries over this other expense. However, home workouts can be a pretty good substitute! While you aren't getting to use gym equipment and you may not have as much open space to work in as you may be used to, it can take minimal space to do something like pilates or yoga. As long as you are able to roll out a yoga mat you should be good to go! Another way to get those workouts in is to see if your university run fitness classes at a nice cheap student price. I have been able to try out workouts I had never even heard of, such as Bosu, by signing up for these classes and they can be great fun!

While being a student, takeaways and unhealthy foods can be a massive temptation! However, they can also be a massive drain on that bank account and can have an effect on your physical health. When I was going through a really rough time last year, I lived off of cheap takeaway pizza and this left me feeling sluggish and bloated all the time. My skin got worse and my self-esteem plummetted! I had to wean myself off these meals and found enjoyment in cooking once more. One easy way to keep healthy when eating at uni is meal prepping! I make a fantastic veggie curry and I would cook this in bulk and keep my leftovers in tupperware. I also did this for other dishes and it means that even when you have a hard day and you really don't have the energy to cook, you have a homemade meal ready for you in the fridge! They can also be great lunch options to take into uni with you if you have microwaves on campus.

Emotional

Support networks are key in university! Making all those new friends and starting fresh is daunting in the beginning, but everyone is in the same boat and it is so easy to meet people in university! Even as a massive introvert like me! Setting up your support network in uni can really help you to get through those tough emotional times that may come up. It doesn't even need to be a massive network of friends. Just those few people who just get you and who you know can support you without judgement (with you also being there in this way for them).

Keep in contact with your friends and family back home if you have moved away for university. They're only a text or a phone call away and they can offer excellent advice in situations involving your friends from uni since they aren't caught up in the drama and can offer impartial advice from an outside perspective. I call a member of my family at least once a day. That way, I keep updated with their goings on and can take a break from my hectic life at uni!

Do you have any additional advice which I haven't mentioned? I would love to know!x

I had a health kick at the beginning of the summer. I dropped a dress size and felt fab about it. However, as I usually am with these things, I couldn't keep it up and felt myself slipping back into my old ways. I didn't attend the end of my cycle of fitness classes and I stopped the daily workouts. I burned myself out and had lost myself in this strict regime of workouts and dieting. It was all I thought about and I was obsessed with the idea that I could drop a few more pounds, drop another dress size, finally feel attractive to potential partners out there in the world of dating. I wasn't doing it for me, I was doing it because I didn't feel worthy as myself and I felt I had to change in order for people to respect me. Not just romantic partners, but family, friends and anyone who passed by me.

Once I let part of the health kick slip, it all slowly unravelled and I returned back to my old ways, albeit with a new love for blueberries (I cannot get enough). Thanks to my lovely body, the weight came back very quickly and I returned to the body shape I have been for years. However, I wasn't upset this time. I haven't been looking at myself in the mirror ashamed as I usually do. I just feel very neutral about the whole thing. If anything, gaining the weight back hasn't really affected how I perceive my body image, which is something so baffling to me, as someone who has struggled with their body image for years.
What has changed? I've been asking myself this for the last few weeks. Maybe it's the fact that I have started to transition into my autumnal wardrobe and wear all my favourite clothes again. Maybe it's the fact that I have surrounded myself with people who do nothing but lift me up and make me feel secure and happy. Maybe it's the fact that I have more important things to worry about now, as opposed to having time to fixate on my shape and size. Maybe it's that caring so much about something I find very difficult to change is exhausting and I want to focus my attention on things that matter more to me.

In the last few months, I have found out that I have PCOS. It has shown me why I have such a struggle losing weight and this has lessened my guilt about my own body. It's not just my fault. Why should I fight against my body time and time again when the second I stop, everything returns back to the way it was and I ultimately end up sad and upset about my own body. I am not seriously overweight. I don't own a car so I walk absolutely everywhere (I walk so much). I eat fairly well and I have a job which keeps me walking and on my feet. Yes, I could be healthier and I could kick some habits which are really not that great. However, my body is not my enemy and I would much rather feel at home in my own skin than fight against it.


There will always be days that I wish my body wouldn't look like this. There will be days when I would rather tear my body down than feel at home within it. However, I am working towards feeling better in my own skin and I feel this is more important than constantly critiquing it.

September is PCOS awareness month. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome is a common condition which affects ovarian functioning. The main features are irregular periods, excess androgen and polycystic ovaries. Symptoms include irregular periods, lack of periods, fertility issues, excessive hair growth, thinning hair of the head, weight gain and oily skin/acne. If you feel that you are experiencing these symptoms, you can read more about them HERE. I have asked two different doctors about my symptoms and only one of them actually moved along to the process of diagnosis, so ask questions and make sure your symptoms are taken seriously. Diagnosis of PCOS is often quick and simple and involves an ultrasound in order to take a look at your ovaries. If you have any questions about PCOS at all, feel free to get in contact! 

Let's talk about self care again! Keeping on top of your mental health is incredibly important and it should be incorporated into your day-to-day routines. Even if we don't think about the implications for our mental health, a lot of the activities we already do in the name of self care have really good effects on our mental wellbeing! Here are a few suggestions of ways in which we can take care of our minds on a daily basis!

Body Care + Skincare

Taking the time to take care of yourself physically can work wonders when your mental health is not up to scratch. Just slowing down and doing something that has no purpose other than to make you feel good. This can be done a little everyday, with nice smelling body wash or a really nice cleanser. Something that feels a little pampering in your daily routine. Your nighttime skincare routine is an ample opportunity for this! You can also go out every so often! Do a face mask or hair mask, slather on a lovely body butter or give yourself a hand massage and cuticle pamper!


Sleep Hygiene

We all know that getting enough sleep is incredibly important, but we are almost all guilty of finding several excuses nightly to put it off! Whether it's late night studying, a Netflix session or a really good book, there always seem to be so many excuses for late nights and foggy mornings after too little sleep! Perhaps we can improve our sleep by being a little stricter with ourselves. I could take for hours about the importance of sleep, especially as a psychology student with a massive interest in it, but let's keep it simple! If we don't get enough sleep, we may wake up cranky and this is not the best way to go about our day! By waking up feeling more rested, rejuvenated and ready for the day, we could have a great kick start and go about our days in a better mental space. Set up a nighttime routine to get your body ready for a good rest and to wind down after the day. Take more baths to get into that cosy feeling! Have less screen time in the evening and grab a magazine or a book. Listen to your favourite chilled out music. Get on some ambient lighting. Whatever you do to wind down, make it a solid routine and stick with it. You'll be thanking yourself in the mornings!

Journaling

This is said time and time again, but i'm going to say it again because it's true. Getting your feelings down on paper can be such a good release. While you are writing down what is bothering you or what is happening around you, you are processing it all. You have to think through it purposefully in order to get the words down. I find that when I am journaling, I begin to really look through my issues in a constructive way and I start to come up with solutions or alternative ways of thinking. I then write them down and highlight them so that when I look back at my pages and look through what has been going on, I am immediately drawn to the solutions I have come up with and it reminds me that I can change my thinking.


Date Yourself

Sounds weird but hear me out. Take yourself to nice places. Go and have a solitary coffee somewhere or take a nice walk somewhere pretty. You don't need others to enjoy your time and learning to spend time with yourself and growing to enjoy it can be really mentally strengthening. I am living alone over summer and I genuinely hate my own company, but learning to make plans to go out and do stuff without having someone to meet has been a really nice exercise in self discipline. I have the opportunity to cancel my plans and stay at home in bed without really letting anyone down, but I push myself out of my flat and I end up really enjoying this time out alone. I have been discovering places which I have been waiting to visit with other people and now that I have been, introducing others to these places will be even better because I can show them all my favourite parts of the places!

Breaking Habits

Perhaps one of the best ways to take care of yourself mentally is to break those bad habits of yours. If you think less about breaking habits and more about getting into healthy habits, this will help you to fixate less on the bad habit which you are trying to fix. For example, instead of focusing on breaking my bad eating habits, I have set a goal of cooking proper meals every night and learning to enjoy cooking and learning new recipes. I focus less on getting rid of the bad foods, and more about getting into the habit of cooking good tasting proper meals. It makes it a lot more enjoyable! Here are some of the habits which I am looking to break, and the subsequent habits which I am hoping to build.

• Less screen time
• Get back into reading. Find a new favourite author and work at reading all of their works.
• Less drinking
• Invite friends over for games and food more (as opposed to just inviting people over to drink). You can cook for them whenever you find a really nice new recipe and enjoy the food with them.
• Stop staying up too late and oversleeping
• Fix your bedtime routine and find more nice relaxing hobbies to do before bed. Update your nighttime playlist.

I was brainstorming for blog ideas this morning and it struck me that I haven't talked about my body confidence and how it has changed and shifted over the years. I also have some advice that I want to share on the subject and also a little bit to say about how getting my first tattoo has affected the way I see my body.


I don't think I really thought about my body shape until high school. In primary school, everyone just got along and I only have good memories from that time in my early life. However, it wasn't the same in high school, which I think is quite common. I was beginning to see, and hear, negatives about my body that I just hadn't considered before. I felt fat and I began to dislike my features. In PE, I felt useless. I was told that I just wasn't trying at sports and needed to get on with it when what I really needed was the encouragement to improve rather than being completely terrified to go to another PE class. Comments were made about my nose being 'massive' and 'huge'. I remember one instance when I was told that I would never find someone who would go out with me unless they were blind.




Towards the end of high school, I obsessed over body image and tried all the home workouts in the world. In time for prom, I had slimmed down quite a bit and felt slightly better about myself that summer. I even wore a bikini once, but I was still pretty terrified and didn't wear it for long! It was the beginning of my on/off relationship with working out and fitness bursts.


College was a bit better in terms of my body image. I was riding the wave of the body positivity movement and I started my first part-time job so I was able to buy all the clothes I wanted to wear and dress exactly how I wanted. Gone were the days of having to wear a school uniform five days a week and then normal clothes twice a week. I was wearing MY clothes five days a week and then a fast food uniform twice a week. Even when I was putting on weight from stress eating during my A-Levels, I still felt super cute. I started experimenting more with makeup and funky clothes and I even cut my hair super short! I felt individual and suddenly my weight didn't seem like my defining feature.

So the popular saying goes 'you should treat others how you would like to be treated', however for some of us, we treat others kindly and don't quite do the same for ourselves. Hence, the title of this post and the twist on the popular phrase. Treat yourself how you treat others!

Other popular phrases on kindness:

• "In a world where you can be anything, be kind"
• "Kind words cost nothing"
• "Throw kindness around like confetti"
• "You will never regret being kind"